


Neglected

by Flyhigher



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:49:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22014394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flyhigher/pseuds/Flyhigher
Summary: It was supposed to be a random day in x1 dorm."Am I fading away ?"But a sentence that shouldn't have been heard in a expected dynamic, have been said in despair.
Relationships: Cha Junho/Kim Yohan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Neglected

The sun was rising in the sky. High, bright, strong, without any flaws, and still, Yohan felt like the sun wasn't that perfect. That the sun wasn't as warm as it should, wasn't as high as it seemed, neither as bright as it showed.   
Yohan was obviously wrong, but in his mind, the sun wasn't that powerful. 

"If you don't stop staring at it, you will end up burning your eyes and crying that you're turning blind."

Yohan chuckled as he turned to look at his partner, but the latter's words were right, the side effects of staring at the sun for too long turned him sigh disable for a moment.

"You must be brighter that the sun, I can't see your face Junho."

He received a light punch in the right shoulder as the said Junho sat next to him.  
And in the process, Yohan really tried to distinguish his friend features, because he was kinda missing these perfect lines, but he couldn't, only a red, white circle was covering it.  
Yohan sighed as he puts his head on his crossed arms, acknowledging that he was wrong. The sun was indeed powerful, powerful enough to prevent him from seeing Junho.  
God punishment he thought. 

"What happened that you end up defying the great sun ?"

Yohan's features started to twist a little as he puts a grimace on his face.  
Why ?  
He tried to recall why he was doing this obvious dumb stuff but got interrupted.

"It's Hangyul again right ? I saw him hugging the walls as if he was blind."

Ah... Yes. It was Hangyul. A ridiculous bet stating that the first loosing the eyes contact with the sun would be declared as a wimp.  
By Junho's statement, Yohan came to the conclusion that he won and grinned. 

"So he is the wimp."

Yohan received an other punch in the shoulder, a little more stronger than the previous one but still soft enough to not hurt.

"You are both stupid. Are you really older than me ?" 

Following this statement, Yohan heard an heavy sight as he was slowly recovering from the sun side effects.   
Was Junho upset ? He still couldn't put a finger on the latter's facial expression, and even if it became smaller, he was still seeing this round and glowing circle. So he puts words on it for better understanding.

"'What's wrong Junho ? Are you upset against us or is it something else ?"

Yohan wasn't the best to understand others feeling, it was Seungwoo's role but for some reasons, he was able to understood the most incomprehensible guy in his circle of friends.

"I don't match and I missed my friends."

But he didn't except this. For some reasons, he got hurt.   
He didn't know why, but he definitely got hurt, nonetheless, the despair in Junho's voice was real and suddenly Yohan was glad to be unable to see him. 

"What do you mean by you don't match ? Did one of us exclude you ?"

He asked gently or at least he thought but the fact that he got hurt impacted his voice tone, thickening it.   
In reaction, Junho clenched his fists on his pantsuit and lowered his head and even if Yohan couldn't see, he could feel it.  
He know that he was wrong, that as the elder, he should have say it otherwise but he lets his emotions took over and that why Seungwoo was a better councilor. Realizing that, he was going to apologize when the younger answered him.

"You all have your own dynamic, and I feel like going further and further from it. I just don't match. I don't match the older line neither the younger line. I don't match anything. We were close when it was only us but then...Now... It feel like I'm fading away, am I fading away ? I don't want to. I don't want to feel lonely when you are all around but I can't help. Do you guys got tired of me ?"

Yohan got hurt once again. He didn't know how Seungwoo was handling it but he wished that he was here to help, to fix it, because something was definitely broken. And he, as a person, was a way too emotional to overcome it.   
His eyes got watery as he was trying to hold in, and like if tears washed the sun side effects of his eyesight, he was able to see Junho again... and what a sight.   
As if he said something wrong by expressing his thoughts, the younger was looking down at his fists, biting harshly his bottom lip to not run away.  
And Yohan felt like the one running away.  
Did he neglected Junho once they debuted ? He remembered telling him to stop coming to his room while cuddling Dongpyo, he heard Wooseok telling him the same, and Seungwoo complaining to not have enough privacy, but he never though that these words were actually hurting him.  
He recalled them ignoring him when he was talking, putting their earphones on, or just keep talking to eachother without noticing him, but it was because he once said that he was talking to himself.   
After all, he never complain, and kept doing what was on his mind with a bright smile on his face. So bright that no one would have imagined making him uneasy.   
But was he ?   
Yohan looked straight in Junho's eyes and got his answers.  
Of course he was.   
When people are coming to you or are talking to you, it's because they need to be noticed, to be heard, not just because they feel like doing that.   
They were so wrong.  
Yohan was so wrong.  
His promises to always take care of the youngers sounded like a bunch of lies and it was no surprise that Junho missed his old friends. They were surely threatening him better.  
The tears that he was holding end up rolling on his cheeks and falling on his sleeves.  
How dare he be hurt when he was the one hurting ?  
He miserably failed. He wasn't a good elder. He took Junho's feelings for granted. He thought that the younger was strong enough to overcome his struggles, forgetting than he was indeed younger.  
Then, what about Minhee ? Minhee was the same as Junho. Was he hurts too ?  
Yohan felt so bad that he hide his face in his crossed arms.  
Junho who stayed the entire time, didn't say anything more, and got up to leave after receiving no answers. As always he must have though.  
Yohan didn't even comfort him. He couldn't. 

"I'm sorry."

But he also couldn't let him go just like this, and even if his voice became hoarse, even if he was showing a weak side of his personality, he knew that he should say something. He was the elder.   
Junho stopped when Yohan's fingers held his pantsuit, making him sitting back.

"You are right. I let go of you thinking that you was old enough to take of yourself. I shouldn't have. I should have be more careful. Junho, I didn't get tired of you. You know, Hangyul might be my same age friend, and I might show more affection towards the others younger and have a great chemistry with the older ones but... You are my best friend. For me, you are brighter than the sun, stronger and higher, and that's why I though that you was flawless by your own, that you didn't need us, but I was wrong right ?  
Junho, I like having you by my side.   
No. I need having you by my side. You are not fading away. Don't fade away.   
I'm so sorry that you got hurt because of me. It shouldn't have happened. I'm so sorry."

Yohan wasn't good at understanding others feeling, he wasn't good at counseling others, neither at comforting them and that's why, even if he apologized, he couldn't looked up at Junho, nor patting him to show him that he was here, and he hated himself.   
Moreover when he felt the younger's arms wrapping him with warmth, and the latter's head carefully resting on his neck.  
God, he sucked so much at it that Junho was the one comforting him.  
Yes, he really needed him. He really needed Junho, his brightest sun, in his life.  
The sun was powerful, and so Junho


End file.
